Last night I had the notion that maybe I could rewatch the Marvel Cinematic Universe soon. Actually, ‘rewatch’ is not entirely accurate. Despite spending my childhood, adolescence and twenties reading Marvel Comics, the MCU burned bright and fast for me. I was over it before the culmination of the Infinity Saga, only watching because of obligation/sunk cost fallacy. By 2018, I was over superheroes altogether. No comics, no movies, no shows would pass these peepers. I even gave 99% of my collection to Oxfam Books last year.
So why would I rewatch them? Truth is, I wouldn’t. But it got me thinking, maybe I should watch substitutes instead. And what better way to find substitutes than by choosing common keywords?
So I went to IMDb and found 3 keywords from each film, building a watchlist of movies that share those sometimes essential, more often trivial, ingredients. The results were fun, so I present to you the scientifically accurate equivalent to the MCU. Another option from the multiverse? Ugh. Sorry. Tedious.
In release order, then…
PHASE ONE
Charlie’s Angels (2019)
Alternative to: Iron Man (2008)
3 common IMDB keywords: bald man, inventor, sports car
The Octagon (1980)
Alternative to: The Incredible Hulk (2008)
3 common IMDB keywords: hand-to-hand combat, mustache, hitchhiker
Signore E Signori, Buonanotte (1976)
Alternative to: Iron Man 2 (2010)
3 common IMDB keywords: spy, rivalry, birdcage
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem (2023)
Alternative to: Thor (2011)
3 common IMDB keywords: adopted son, younger version of character, exploding body
Short Night of Glass Dolls (1971)
Alternative to: Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)
3 common IMDB keywords: falling from height, unrequited love, asthma
The Client (1994)
Alternative to: The Avengers (2012)
3 common IMDB keywords: forest, race against time, Honda Accord
PHASE TWO
Yoga Hosers (2016)
Alternative to: Iron Man Three (2013)
3 common IMDB keywords: microwave oven, camera phone, tattoo
Borat! Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (2006)
Alternative to: Thor: The Dark World (2013)
3 common IMDB keywords: pixelated nudity, village, drunkenness
No Way Out (1987)
Alternative to: Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)
3 common IMDB keywords: senator, car crash, shopping mall
The Last House on the Left (2009)
Alternative to: Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)
3 common IMDB keywords: strangulation, hit with a hammer, rainstorm
Piranha 3DD (2012)
Alternative to: Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)
3 common IMDB keywords: sexual innuendo, cameo, montage
Glass Onion (2022)
Alternative to: Ant-Man (2015)
3 common IMDB keywords: laptop computer, man in a bathtub, group of friends
PHASE THREE
Babylon A.D. (2008)
Alternative to: Captain America: Civil War (2016)
3 common IMDB keywords: body lands on a car, hologram, chess
Licence to Kill (1989)
Alternative to: Doctor Strange (2016)
3 common IMDB keywords: jeep, man wears a tuxedo, x-rayed skeleton
The Lair of the White Worm (1988)
Alternative to: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017)
3 common IMDB keywords: party, bruise, vintage car
Captive State (2019)
Alternative to: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
3 common IMDB keywords: dog, eavesdropping, shipping container
Hellraiser (1988)
Alternative to: Thor: Ragnarok (2017)
3 common IMDB keywords: brother brother relationship, panic, impalement
Twisted (2004)
Alternative to: Black Panther (2018)
3 common IMDB keywords: French kiss, kicked in the face, title spoken by character
The Meg (2018)
Alternative to: Avengers: Infinity War (2018)
3 common IMDB keywords: product placement, subtitled scene, bubble
Artists and Models (1955)
Alternative to: Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018)
3 common IMDB keywords: restaurant, stairwell, FBI federal bureau of investigation
The Thing (1982)
Alternative to: Captain Marvel (2019)
3 common IMDB keywords: baseball cap, eaten alive, tunnel
Home Alone 3 (1997)
Alternative to: Avengers: Endgame (2019)
3 common IMDB keywords: gadget, haircut, snow
Isadora (1968)
Alternative to: Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019)
3 common IMDB keywords: Europe, goggles, rehearsal
PHASE FOUR
Surviving the Game (1994)
Alternative to: Black Widow (2021)
3 common IMDB keywords: presumed dead, 1990s, pig
How I Live Now (2013)
Alternative to: Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (2021)
3 common IMDB keywords: waterfall, fish out of water, foot chase
Tall Tale (1995)
Alternative to: Eternals (2021)
3 common IMDB keywords: axe, horse, plow
The Invisible Man (2020)
Alternative to: Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)
3 common IMDB keywords: lawyer, condominium, hoodie
Power Rangers (2017)
Alternative to: Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022)
3 common IMDB keywords: dutch angle, lesbian, black magic
Freddy vs. Jason (2003)
Alternative to: Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)
3 common IMDB keywords: prologue, butcher, small town
Jane Austen’s Mafia! (1998)
Alternative to: Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022)
3 common IMDB keywords: olive oil, baby, fish
PHASE FIVE
Frost/Nixon (2008)
Alternative to: Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2022)
3 common IMDB keywords: birthday cake, dachshhund, paranoia
Happy Death Day 2U (2019)
Alternative to: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023)
3 common IMDB keywords: written by director, sofa, car
Contamination (1980)
Alternative to: The Marvels (2023)
3 common IMDB keywords: egg, light, pistol
Big Eyes (2014)
Alternative to: Deadpool & Wolverine (2024)
3 common IMDB keywords: job interview, fire, reference to jesus christ
So there it is. If IMDB keywords are to be taken as scientific fact (and why wouldn’t they be?) then these 34 films are basically interchangeable with Hollywood’s most successful franchise.
If you ever find yourself thinking about sinking almost 3 full days of viewing into a superhero franchise that doesn’t need your assistance, consider this project instead.